Home News Internet Trolls – How NOT to Approach a Chick Online @JessicaB_Diva

Internet Trolls – How NOT to Approach a Chick Online @JessicaB_Diva


The fitness industry is to weirdos what a bright light is to a moth #Attracted. Unsure why but it’s well documented fitness professionals and particularly models attract a bizarre cult following to their social media. I’m not talking about genuine fans and fitness fanatics. These people fall under another category. Some who quietly stalk from their lairs in the basement of their mothers house but never bother you, many who constantly message with several variations of the word ‘Hi’ repeatedly and then there are those who are somewhat more ‘creative’… For me my inbox is like a box of chocolates.. You never know what your going to get!

I regularly out these socially inept beings by posting their messages and often my replies and tagging them for good measure. I’m not talking about your average sane thinking bloke trying to crack onto you, these people are from some global crazy stalking hub (I bet they have their own passwords and secret handshakes) I’ve had everything from serious requests to ‘import me’ into their country as if likening me to the endangered black rhino?! To their detailed dark fantasies being outlined (seriously does that ever work?) Most recently a guy from Indonesia felt the need to simply tell me what he was doing when thinking about me! I’m training for a charity ultra marathon at the moment, I was out training at the time and felt he deserved some diva real talk. Pretty sure I squashed his fantasy with my reply informing him with graphic detail, what I felt like doing when I thought of him (think hostel and your pretty close)

What happened to conventional courting, small talk, dinner dates and gentlemanly behaviour?

Social Media Top Tips to finding love: (or at least avoid arrest)

  1. Don’t look for love on Facebook, love can be found in the real world
  2. Stalking is never ok
  3. No one wants to know what you are doing when looking through their images
  4. Never pretend to be somebody that you are not (unless you are genuinely an idiot)
  5. Poking.. Don’t do it! Nobody knows what it means but it’s provocative
  6. God loves a trier but don’t take that too literal, chances are she’s just not that into you
  7. Be astute when it comes to the friend zone, once you have been put there.. stop trying to escape!
  8. Don’t present yourself as a creepy sexual predator, chicks don’t dig that
  9. Waiting outside some bodies house or place of work, rummaging through bins and GPS tracking cars or bugging phones DOES class as a criminal offence
  10. If you think your punching well above your weight…you probably are

Always keep your wits about you.. Seriously.. Have you ever seen the program catfish? You too could end up thinking your in a long term relationship with Lil Bow Wow #justsayin

The Diva xx


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