You know what? Valentine’s Day is bullshit.
I kinda feel sorry for you guys to be honest, so just for once, I’m going to be on your side (please do not get accustomed to this, I’m clearly feeling under the weather) The entire day is pitted against men. It’s like some group of man-haters devised a holiday intended solely to piss guys off.
Oh, hey… You had something romantic planned, huh?
Good luck living up to the bullshit romantic standards that have been set for you.
If you don’t have a 3 carat diamond ring being delivered by a dove while the first song you ever heard together is played by an orchestra, you’re pretty much screwed.
Every one of those damned romantic comedies that your girl loves so much have pretty much set you up to completely fail any attempt at romance.
Unless you’re a tortured, mysterious soul (who may or may not be a vampire) that sweeps her off her feet while AT NO POINT even suggesting sex, you are pretty much out of luck.
That’s it. Game over.
Thanks for playing.
Basically, if you’re a guy in a relationship, February 14th is going to be a giant kick in the balls from the universe.
And lord forbid you’re single.
Then the entire day becomes “Here’s a bajillion reminders that no one loves you” Day.
Admittedly, they don’t make cards for that.
Then again, who’d buy you one?
People jokingly call it Singles Awareness Day. They say it with an ironic smile and laugh a little too much.
Then, they go home and cry themselves to sleep.
It’s not like you weren’t single yesterday or that there’s even anything wrong with being single.
If that’s how you roll, then cool.
But then the whole world decided to dedicate one whole day to pointing out that if you don’t have someone to cling on to, then your life is empty.
Yeah… Thanks, guys.
If it wasn’t bad enough that you’re single, suddenly society makes you out to be some form of freak.
Maybe you like being single.
Maybe you’re waiting for the right person to come along.
Maybe you’re with your hustle.
Do you really need to be ridiculed for that fact?
Of course you do.
Hallmark says so.
So, now you’re stuck shopping for a gift that has to sum up your feelings for your significant other. You need to find something that conveys your deep, undying love for her and how she makes every breath you take worth taking.
Or anything gold or platinum
Speaking of gifts… Why exactly do women think it’s okay to not get anything for a guy on Valentine’s Day?
The day is supposed to be about love. That sort of suggests it’s intended for two people.
No, that thing you do when you’re by yourself does not count as love.
Since the holiday is intended to be shared between two people, shouldn’t you both get gifts?
Yeah, yeah. You can say it’s a chick holiday all you want.
If you don’t want to be celebrating Singles Awareness Day next year, make with the presents already.
The craziest part is that women think it’s okay to not get anything for a guy because it’s just presumed she’s going to put out. Ladies I’m sorry to tell you but these rules of only putting out during holiday seasons really don’t do you any favours.
Don’t look at me like that. It’s a rule.
Now, you may ask why that’s crazy. It seems like a pretty sweet deal for the guy.
And it would be… Unless something goes wrong on Valentine’s Day.
Oops, you got her the wrong gift or you took her to the wrong restaurant.
Or you hit on the waitress.
Suddenly, that rule goes right out the window and you now have to wait till Christmas to get another shot at it.
Can you imagine if a guy tried that?
Guy>> Honey, I got you something.
Girl>> What is it?
Guy>> I don’t know.
Guy>> Let’s see how good a lay you are first.
He’d be picking up his teeth until March.
If sex is an acceptable Valentine’s gift, then why the hell do guys have to buy stuff in the first place?
You guys are there too right?
Isn’t it kind of a communal gift at that point?
I mean you’re giving it to her, too.
Wait… That didn’t come out right.
My Advice? I’m not against Valentines per say, if you chose to celebrate it, great, dirty weekends away keep things real. I may sympathise with you guys above but this is the way the world works, deal with it. Be spontaneous, drop the predictable shit, women buy a god dam gift (but a blowjob would a;ways be well recieved) and if you are single, the memo that says you have to be in a relationship to validate your existence on the planet is a big fat Gypsy LIE
May the force be with you this Valentines
Jessica Bennett- Sports Nutrition Professional
Scitec Nutrition Sponsored Athlete
Facebook Page- Jessica Bennett Fitness Competitor