The inspiration award for this weeks column goes to.. The Only Way is Essex (give me a break, even the most intellectual amongst us need their dumbing down fix)
“You can’t date two people at once”
Made me question why? I’m no expert but “dating” isn’t it just that.. can you date more than one person before the commitment (**shudders) stage? In this day in age, is it fine to leave your emotions at the door if you so choose? In my case it’s not even optional (emotions last seen around 2007 along with Britney’s mental health) unless you’re an animal, I love animals.
Provided you’re up front about it, it’s ok right? Can there be a degree of try before you buy? If you then decide to pursue somebody further and commit to a full blown relationship (or sell your soul, however you want to view it) then knock the other one(s) on the head. I’m not really speaking from vast experience as finding one person I’m remotely interested in requires Devine intervention never mind two or heaven forbid my own harem (I’m not too good with names either so that could backfire, unless they were all called Dave) Sorry Pete, I only date Dave’s.. Still I’ll add that to my list of auto rejections:
Strong independent females who know their own mind are often dubbed ice queens (not that I would know anything about that.. Although guys do tend to shudder from the sub zero temperature as I walk by) If I like you, you’ll know about it. If I’m not interested, you will definitely know about it. I’m selective as to who gets close to me, pretty horrid to people who continuously crack onto me, kudos for having the balls to approach the unapproachable- that’s cute, I am not) I’ve only ever really loved one man, we were like Romeo and Juliet (if Romeo was a bellend) I’ve never told anybody I love them in under 6 months. True story. For me it takes time, I have a firm grip on my emotions and that’s just the way I like it. it’s not a word I use lightly (unless describing the contents of Selfridges womenswear department) if I say it, I mean it. I think you get the gist, unless your some sadistic punk taking relationship advice from me is like going to a crystal meth addict for advice on the FTSE 100 #pointless
Do I have this game wrong? If your labeled a player, nice to meet you I could just be the coach
I tend to negotiate through the dating minefield by “thinking like a guy” .. If you can’t beat them (literally or metaphorically) join them.
I believe in happy endings and if you find yours then great! But do I disagree with “stack your checks, move on to the next” no I don’t. Life is about what YOU choose. I know what I want and where I’m going. Right now it’s about getting all my own shit! Creating the life I want my way… But when you’ll accept nothing less than a real life superman will that ending ever come?
Until that moment (and in the absence of Patti Sanger Millionaire Matchmaker) I’m quiet happy to let my magic 8 ball make my dating decisions for me (a little retro 1980’s granted but, that’s ok right?) at present it’s repeatedly telling me “so it shall be” “no doubt about it” or “absolutely” when asked about the morality of my current situation #legit the 8 ball wouldn’t lie. Fact.
Problem today is that no one has the balls to talk about this shit, say what you mean, mean what you say. Sex shouldn’t be taboo, are you really a player if the people involved know the score? Should we be categorising from the start perhaps?
– Friends with benefits
– The affair
– The casual relationship
– BFF’s (best fucks forever) I use the last word loosely
– One of many (let’s face it no one wants to be one of MANY)
– The dirty secret
– I like you but let’s just see where this goes
– The great fuck (>insert name here<)
Life is complicated enough, simplify it, it’s actually the lies that get you in the most trouble right? So surely open communication could remove the stigma from your bed hopping set up….
You’re not the one but your better than nobody.. That could work right? No?
How about I like you, you like me and this is so much fun #nuffsaid
My advice? (Sending you back to the meth addict again, this time they had a fix and are talking more sense) don’t invest emotions too soon, you can’t meet somebody and automatically think you can claim sole ownership, reign that shit in, what will be, will be, people’s paths in life cross for a reason, whatever that may be, relax and enjoy the ride… (Quiet literally)
Monogamy.. Funny old thing.